


Convinced We Were Broken Inside

by social_reject



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9680039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: Luke knew it was only a momentary fix to the pain that had made its way into his life. Every touch and every kiss merely a distraction to the problems that were stacked precariously around him, teetering and threatening to consume him. But his body didn't ache anymore, his mind was clouded with only desire and the dark didn't seem frightening- only calm. Ashton continued to pleasure Luke, venom tipped teeth biting into the soft skin around his neck, marking him as pain and pleasure, destruction and growth.Ashton is Luke's distraction to the pain, a shadow of the night and the calm to the storm.





	

Luke was bathed in the moonlight and shirtless by the time Ashton sauntered his way towards the hotel room, staggered footsteps fallen in a sobering daze. Luke could hear the not so rhythmic fall of Ashton's stride outside the door, the out of time knock on the wood echoed through the room as Luke padded his way over to let him in. As much as Luke wanted to believe that this was the last time, he knew it was only a new first. There'd been the first time that Luke had told himself it wouldn't continue on, the first time he'd convinced himself it was okay for them to keep going. And now, stood just a breath away from the man who held Luke's palpitating heart in his hands, he was trying to convince himself that it was something less than what it was. An air of indifference clung to Ashton as he stepped into the room past Luke, the older man unsteadily wobbling out of his shoes and tossing them to the side in a heap. Luke eyed them, a strike of resentment creeping into his bones as he looked upon the filthy shoes so carelessly making a mess on the white carpet. 

 

There were a lot of reasons why Luke and Ashton didn't work the first time they tried. There were even more reasons they didn't work the second time- it was undeniable how out of sync they were with each other. They couldn't quite seem to match up to each other on a personal level. The only time they got along was when Luke's back was pressed to the wall and his legs were wound around Ashton's waist, a trail of venom from Luke's jaw to his collarbones, Ashton's lips were as poisonous as they were delicious. It was the sweeter things in life that always seemed to lead to the bitter endings. Luke watched as Ashton hastily undid his belt, the worn leather sliding out of his belt loops with ease and falling to the floor in a wound up pile. It wasn't unusual for Ashton to go fast and take charge, most nights they ended up together it was Luke who initiated it and Ashton who obliged. They knew where they stood, even when Luke tried to convince himself otherwise. Ashton was the moon and Luke was the sun, together they were an eclipse that darkened one another but somehow, they always came back to each other. 

 

Luke swallowed hard as Ashton spun back to face him, hands gripping the neckline of his shirt ready to pull it off himself. Luke licked at his lips and strode forward on almost as unsteady feet as what led Ashton to him. Alcohol lingered in the air between them, regrets and sins dancing precariously in the balance of space that separated them; desire waiting to win over and collide with the dance- ready to spin their lives out of control and off track. Luke had been doing so well lately, he hadn't been the one to crack this time, it had been Ashton. But all it took for Luke to break was a single text message, one ding of his phone and five words that pulled him back under into a tidal wave of broken glass. 

 

_ Meet me at the hotel _ . 

 

Luke had gotten there first, his keycard lighting up the handle on the door and opening to a deserted solace. The room had been completely dark save for the minuscule amount of light pouring in from the hallway and Luke couldn't help but remember the nights where it had been a getaway, where all of his troubles melted into the soft mattress and his frustrations were released as his fingers gripped the silk sheets on the bed- a cathartic sort of feeling pounding against his rib cage, an erratic heartbeat that offset the heartbreak he felt. Every touch set his nerve endings ablaze but cooled the fire that threatened to torch him. Every glance and every last breath was a deterrent of self destruction. It wasn't Ashton's fault that they didn't work, Luke could never fault him for that. Ashton was the one who tried, Luke was the one who didn't, when things got tough, he got going. 

 

Luke could hear Ashton's breathing pick up pace as Luke placed his hands on the hemline of Ashton's shirt, Ashton's own hold falling from the fabric in favor of pulling Luke into him. Luke bit his lip and looked down, eyes casted to the tattered shirt Ashton wore, recognizing it as one of his own from a time long ago. Luke recalled the morning rushes of getting dressed, no time for worrying about whose shirt was who's and what foot the shoe went on. The coffee was always stale, left out from the night before, lukewarm and bitter as they gulped it down and left each other without an exchange of even a syllable. In the morning they were strangers. At night, they were all the other had. 

 

Luke slowly lifted the shirt off of Ashton, the material distressed and tight against Ashton's muscles. Luke had height on Ashton but Ashton outranked him in every other physical form. Luke threw the shirt towards the shoes he despised so much, the once funny quirk of abandoning shoes in the middle of the floor turning to something that made his blood boil. Quirks became nuanced to irritants and the sun became a source of darkness. Suddenly the moon was the only light left. 

 

Ashton stayed tried and true when Luke burned out, almost as if he was determined to bring the fire back into Luke's eyes. What once was pure blue flames became dulled and stagnant waters. Even in the dark of the night Luke knew that Ashton did his best to keep the light on inside. But Luke loathed the sparks that began to flicker to life inside him, his own body smothering them out in favor of a shrouding darkness that clung to his mind relentlessly. Ashton couldn't fix him, his touches couldn't heal the wounds on his heart and his kisses couldn't mend the cracks in the mirror that stared back at Luke. He could satisfy Luke in the moment, make him realize he wasn't alone, give him a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on but Luke had rejected that, the notion of needing someone rolling off his shoulders and smashing into the floor. 

 

Ashton leaned in towards Luke, Luke slowly moved so Ashton's lips pressed to his cheek, giving him a taste all while putting up a fight. Luke hadn't been the one to lure him here this time and even though his knees were wobbly and everything inside him was screaming to succumb to the need built up in his heated chest, he was steadfast in making Ashton work for what he clearly wanted. 

 

“I need you just as much as you don't want to need me,” Ashton whispered through a strained and cracked voice, Luke turning so their lips were mere inches apart, breath melding together as Luke let the statement falter in mid air. “You wouldn't have come if you didn't need me, or  _ want  _ me at the very least.”

 

Luke shuddered- unsure if it was because the statement rang true or because Ashton's proximity to him had lessened and he felt abandoned. Ashton had leaned away from Luke, his hold on his backside falling and leaving ghostly whispers of past touches dancing along his smooth skin. Luke gripped one of Ashton's belt loops, white knuckles grasping on like a lifeline held during a tsunami. He knew their connection was faltering with each passing moment he stayed silent. He knew that all he had to do was admit that he needed Ashton, tell the truth and then what he so craved would be his. His jaw clenched, his mind at a loss for how the night had flipped on him. 

 

“You called me here.” 

 

The reply was feeble and Luke knew that Ashton could see through it. The words were weak and his gaze was trained to the floor, even his grip on Ashton's jeans had lessened. His breaths were coming in like an erratic wave, in much faster than they came out. He furrowed his eyebrows, scoffed at the situation and looked back up at Ashton and any form of ill will or resentment that had once intruded upon him was washed away as he exhaled. Three words worked their way to the tip of his tongue, bittersweet and forlorn as they escaped him. 

 

“I need you.” 

 

Ashton pulled Luke back into him, Luke reveling in the feeling of becoming one with Ashton once more. All those nights where their bodies were intertwined and moved as one, heaven and hell combining into a chaotic sort of bliss came rushing back to him, the familiarity a comfort that coursed through him. The moon was on fire and Luke could feel the heat simmer in his lower abdomen as Ashton connected their lips, the bittersweet taste of confession lingering between them as Luke swept his tongue over Ashton's lower lip, knowing he needed Ashton more than Ashton could ever need him. No matter what sort of fight Luke put up, no matter how high the walls stood around his heart or how hard his armor was, Ashton was resilient. He could win the battle and the war, could climb any wall and feel past any armor that Luke decided to block him out with. 

 

Ashton spun them around so Luke could fall back to the bed and Ashton hovered on top of him, hands pressing the majority of his weight into the mattress and dipping down low with muscles accentuated by moonlight to continue kissing Luke. Luke couldn't help but think of how jaded he'd been, how mornings had been silent but everything that needed to be said was communicated through their eyes. They knew they were both leaving but there was no doubt they'd be back to each other in the night. They weren't so much strangers as Luke tried to believe they were. Luke knew Ashton kept a spare key under the mat and Ashton knew Luke kept a spare key in the doorframe. But they'd never seen the others home, always confined to the same hotel room, stale coffee in the morning and a rush to make it out before check out time. 

 

Luke felt his heart flutter as Ashton nipped at his neck, a moan escaping him without any thought or further prompting. Luke was  _ weak  _ and Ashton knew how to handle him, strong hands and a tight hold keeping him from falling completely apart. Luke's hands tangled into Ashton's curls, it'd been awhile since the last time Luke had had the pleasure of doing so, the older man trimming his hair from what was once unruly curls to a more uniform cut. Luke writhed underneath Ashton as he dipped lower and tugged the pants off himself and then off Luke all in one fluid motion, Luke barely having time to think and process what was happening around him. All he knew was he  _ needed  _ more. 

 

Ashton trailed down Luke's body, lips light and teasing, playing at Luke in a way that made him miss the nights where Ashton was the one who couldn't get enough. Ashton was calm, his demeanor suddenly cool and collected as he flickered his gaze up to meet Luke's eyes as his mouth sucked at his nipples, Luke shifting his gaze down and craning his neck to better meet Ashton's eyes. Ashton smirked and pulled away when their gazes met, leaving Luke to moan in frustration and try to pull him back down. Ashton was reluctant, fingers trailing over the smooth expanse of Luke's body like a feather caught in the wind. If Luke hadn't been paying attention, he wouldn't have known that Ashton was even touching him, but he was hyper aware and even the softest connection felt like a million fireworks set off inside him. 

 

Luke knew it was only a momentary fix to the pain that had made its way into his life. Every touch and every kiss merely a distraction to the problems that were stacked precariously around him, teetering and threatening to consume him. But his body didn't ache anymore, his mind was clouded with only desire and the dark didn't seem frightening- only calm. Ashton continued to pleasure Luke, venom tipped teeth biting into the soft skin around his neck, marking him as pain and pleasure, destruction and growth. 

 

Luke's hands entangled in Ashton's curls and pushed him further into his skin, craving the feeling of his lips and needing to feel  _ something  _ other than the overwhelming nothingness that usually tampered with his heart. He was tired of feeling void and tired of feeling hurt. He felt it all and nothing at once, a haunting mixture that left his shaking body numb and cool tears dripping down his cheeks absentmindedly. Ashton brought the glow of the moon back to Luke, Luke's cheeks were rosy and his breath was caught in the back of his throat as Ashton dipped his hands methodically into the waistband of Luke's boxers, never once taking the pleasure of his mouth away from Luke's hot skin. 

 

It was as if Ashton knew what Luke needed when he needed it. Maybe when Luke ventured to call Ashton up it wasn't because he was breaking in the moment, Ashton wasn't the reason for the cracks in his armor or the walls around his heart. He was the person that Luke could count on to be there when his world was falling in on him and his life was off track, Ashton was there, he was constant and he knew what it took to take Luke away from the pain. He couldn't fix it, but he could override the pain- if only for a moment in time. 

 

Luke's hands drifted from Ashton's curls to his neck and down his back as Ashton pleasured him, hands working wonderful sensations that coursed throughout the whole of Luke's body. Every touch held a visceral reaction, instincts taking over and nails digging into Ashton's back as release built up in him, his body begging for the euphoria it would bring him. He held back, wanting to hold onto the moment as long as he could. All that Ashton made him feel was enough to help him realize he was alive, even when his bones were tired and his eyes felt heavy. 

 

His jaw clenched as Ashton quickened his pace, breaths as erratic as his heartbeat and blood pumping in a race against his thudding heart. The heat in his stomach was burning, ready to explode as his arms fell to his sides and fingers clenched at the silken sheets like so many nights before. Once Luke couldn't take it anymore and everything was overwhelming- his body unsure what to do with itself as his hold on the sheets loosened and his mouth went lax and his breaths shuddered out of him as Ashton finished him off and pulled back up to him, eyes merely pools of hazel that reflected past nights to Luke. Luke began to sit up, chasing Ashton's mouth with his own, trembling lips connecting and tasting memories of stale coffee, searching for answers of happiness and coming up half full. 

 

Ashton began to pull away, stumbling out of the bed and towards his shoes but Luke swallowed his pride and pulled him back. 

 

“I still need you.” 

  
And Ashton stayed. He stayed with Luke until the sun rose in the sky and the morning made Luke feel a little bit less lonely.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Weeknd "Earned It".


End file.
